The Worst Twitter Auto-DMs In Human History

timscullin.com

Image courtesy of timscullin.com

Full disclosure: I used to send auto-DMs on Twitter (automated Direct Messages).

Using a service like Social Oomph, you can have a Direct Message fire off to any new Twitter follower you have. I sent them thinking I was actually providing value (a coupon for my funny t-shirt site, of course!). It didn’t seem to affect the popularity of my Twitter handle, but who knows? Maybe I pissed off more people than I ever realized.

The only mitigating factor was that I remained and have always been extremely active on Twitter, very communicative, always engaging. I didn’t hide behind auto-DMs – I’ll chat with most anyone. It’s easy to get to know me.

So it may seem hypocritical to ask, but why the hell are people still sending these damn things?

  • Thanks for following us! How may I help you? (then you DM them back, and it’s silence – they don’t respond – I’ve had this happen so many times, and almost left it off the list. Luckily, @shonali on Twitter reminded me to include this one! Thanks girl.)
  • I believe the key to success on social media is consistent posting of relevant info. Thanks for following!
  • What’s been most inspiring web marketing advice you’ve heard? Would love to know more about you and your life ambitions! :)
  • The crow flies slow over Moscow. Pass it on but don’t tell Vasily. OK? Stay alert. (Давайте перестанем говорить с ума!)
  • Hi, I am a happy 24 hours mom . You can meet my baby if u want (Pass!)
  • I want to offer you a free spiritual phone consultation so you can achieve your visions. Set up your appt
  • R U exhausted from courtroom battles in front of a judge & lawyer negotiating with a soon-to-be-ex? See me.
  • Hi, this is a automatic mail to all my followers, [web URL redacted] is where you can find my recipe posting, if you hav <——- the DM ended there!
  • Thanks for follow! What are you currently working on? Maybe we can move forward together
  • Hi you might like this service, it lets your Facebook friends find you on Twitter (this one takes the all-time annoyance cake. I constantly write back to people and ask “Tell me what you like best about the service.” One person has written back. Ever. Spam sucks)
  • Thanks!You Can Get Paid On Twitter For Just all Of The Tweets?!Go Check Out This Link To Find Out How
  • It’s amazing to hear from you…sharing with like minded people makes us all more valuable…What’s your twitter goal? ;-)
  • Question, Are You 100% Happy With Your Twitter Education? Look… [web URL redacted]
  • Thanks, here is something really fun and totally free. It’s free dating software at [web URL redacted] (I’m married with kids. This is like shooting marketing buckshot at me)
  • OMG! I really like you… come hang out with me where I spend most of my time Facebook [web URL redacted] I look forward to connecting. (It’s just weird to know that she’s sending this to everyone)
  • Who said good looking means no brains? Now go out there and strut your stuff, you’ve got it all. :)
  • Wow thanx! Look forward 2your twitts. Have u written your bucket list? Nick Halik’s Thrillionaires might get u started
  • As the inventor of the phrase “social media,” I defy you to name me a panda more dialed into the digital revolution. Just try. (OK this one isn’t that bad)
  • Thank you for following me, fire Your Human Article Writer And Article Submitter Guy…..
  • Heya, I’m studying the social media for profit training. What are you up to?
  • Hi There! Interactive, reverse marketing is my niche! Social media is what I master! Let me be of service to you. (This is a messy plate of scrambled eggs)
  • Hi ;) Nice to meet you :) Add me at facebook too. :D (no link to her Facebook profile. Damn, I was dying to connect!)
  • Hi, Thanks for following me. I am looking forward to exchanging some useful info with you. Do you have a blog or website? (Don’t be lazy – it’s right in my Twitter profile! This is a serious pet peeve of mine)
  • Thanks for the follow so you are one of the in crowd too are you, you just have to twitter these days don’t you (???)
  • Hi thanks for follow, we are going to have a great fan! (Yes, the fan, THE FAN!!!)
  • We provide Support and Resistance PowerZones based on the confluence of volume, price, and more. [web URL redacted]. Tell me about you? (I want what they’re smoking)
  • Thanks for following! Be trained to build any MLM – mentoring for free! (Is MLM a kind of sandwich?)
  • And a host of DMs way too sexual to even post.

Stop the madness!!! By the way, check out this article on Tim Scullin’s site: How To Opt Out Of Annoying Twitter DMs

Also check out Sean Malarkey’s article How To Get Rid Of DM Spam On Twitter. Besides, Sean is a handsome man lol.

Truthfully, these can’t be the worst auto-DMs ever.  Please help! Leave a comment below with the very worst auto-DMs you’ve ever received!

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  • http://www.execbusinessproducts.com Greg Bussmann

    While I have seen a few good ones, and try not to let them raise my blood pressure in general, I think people should by and large stop auto-dm’ing now.

    Here’s a recent fave: “{Thank you for taking the time to fallow us! Learn more about our Graphic & Web Design at http://www.@#$%^&.com}

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      Oh noes, not Scorch!!!

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  • http://twitter.com/socialthirst socialthirst

    Great list! Here is one I received recently.

    It’s nice to be followed on Twitter but much great to be LIKED on Facebook! (link was inserted here) Social Media Management professionals for you

    I own a social media management company so it’s great to see that this is what my competition is sending out. I would hate to see how they manage social media for their clients!

    I will manually respond to new followers every morning. I thank them personally, using their name and include a link to my site. Simple, personal, and honest.

  • http://www.seanmalarkey.com Sean Malarkey

    Hilarious – im pretty sure this one was not automated –> Who said good looking means no brains? Now go out there and strut your stuff, you’ve got it all.

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      No Sean, that girl was talking to ME! Please?

      • http://twitter.com/concentrmedia Jacquelyn Candelas

        I was talking to both of you ;) Whatever this is def not automated. I only send that one to the people who have the whole package. :P

        • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

          yay!

    • http://twitter.com/concentrmedia Jacquelyn Candelas

      Very funny Sean!!!!

  • http://www.WaxingUnLyrical.com Shonali Burke, ABC

    Ha, I love it! I get “What do you do?” quite a bit as well. That’s when the “little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead” in me says,”Didn’t you bother to look at my blog, which links to my site and more?”

    Btw, I did a post a while back on answers to the top 10 FAQ I get, which I never have time to think of. “How can I help you?” was #9 (I did it Letterman-style). I actually got this question the other day, and I responded by pointing to the post.

    Guess what? Never heard back.

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      Thanks again for helping me out with the post!

  • http://twitter.com/PaigeHolden PaigeHolden

    Love this post. I hate auto-DM’s more than anything. Recently, I followed a moving company and they DM’d me back with this: Thank you for following “Moving Company Name”! Check out our blogs for advice and helpful tips: http://tiny.cc/Lnlfd

    Did I mention that I represent a moving company? Ugh. Nice way to pay attention….

    I also get a lot that say: “So glad we could connect here. Have you seen my LinkedIn page/Facebook Profile?”

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      I used to take the opportunity to then connect on Facebook too, but I’ve stopped doing that.

  • http://twitter.com/lisackeller Lisa Keller

    Thank you for writing this post. Hopefully this will start the #StopAutoDMingME movement! The worst DMs to me are the ones that try to trick you into thinking it is a DM written personally to you, or asks you a question, so that you respond. Like this horrific one I received:

    Hey, thanks for following me! You rock!!! I’ve created a quick Twitter welcome video just for you on YouTube here —>

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children??1??

  • http://www.ladyumbrella.com/ LadyUmbrella

    It’s rare I disagree with the Riz and today is no exception..I hate lame auto DMs – especially when you reply and get the “recipient not following you” message..This results in me pulling out my rapidly greying hair with wild rage – 140 characters wasted hehe..One auto DM I got recently was “Thanks for the follow! Hope I can bring you some humor, inspiration, motivation and challenge! Looking forward to hearing from you!” – its different but still lame..The main failing of auto DMs is the lack of personalisation..In the early days of twitter they might have been ok as tweeps (in general) were new to the ways of twitter, not anymore..We are a much savvier tweeting bunch, if someone can code up something to pull someones name “hey Joe Blogs, this is an auto DM but it feels more personal doesn’t it?” then auto DMs might be of some use…until then though, as Gary Vee says, embrace the hustle and grind and do it manually or else don’t do it at all…

  • http://www.ruhanirabin.com/ Ruhani Rabin

    You forget the one where they ask/put “My God Fathers would make you a OFFER that you can’t resist “.

    I hate Auto DMs. They make me confused and make me think silly about myself.

  • http://www.GregFly.com/ Greg Fleischaker

    I set one up recently as a joke to see if anyone was reading them, it said something like: “I bet you won’t even read this, I’m not sure why I’m sending it”, I’ve never had more responses, both good and bad.

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      I might start sending one that says, “I’m naked, streaking through the Quad.” Just to see if anyone’s paying attention

  • http://www.devicemag.com Alex Ion

    Auto DMs just suck :(
    I hate them just as much as I hate SPAM

  • http://cottoninmotion.com Brad Kelly

    Got this one: “This is a CHEEZY automated DM. Thank you for the follow, I am flattered. I will follow you back (that is automated too). I have mastered T” (That was the end of it)

    At least they admit that they’re lazy and don’t care.

  • Anonymous

    Chris, Love this list….some of these are gems! …your life ambitions. Come on! And luckily the happy Mom didn’t ask you to babysit! Perhaps you could do a separate X-rated version of the sexual ones…

    When I DM “glad to meet you here”, etc., that’s me actually writing it, because I am genuinely interested. I don’t use any automatic posting devices, DM or otherwise, although I follow people who do and don’t hold it against them ;-))

    I remember your tee shirt coupon, I was mildly surprised that such a personable Tweeter as yourself would send a coupon first thing, but I guess the true test is whether anyone ever uses that coupon. Meanwhile, I have enjoyed your Tweets and our occasional back-and-forth. Thanks for your post here – it made my day!
    Best,
    Elaine

  • Anonymous

    I love you more than bacon – that should be your auto DM!

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      Yes!!! I’m gonna do it!

  • http://www.endstory.wordpress.com Cheryl Howard

    I don’t see the point in DMs. When I follow specific people or companies, I’m not looking to exchange emails or get chatty. If I have a question, I’ll ask. Otherwise, I’m just scanning posts to see what I can learn, much as if I were reading a newspaper. Am I missing the point of Twitter?

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      DMs are just a way to privately communicate with your Twitter friends. I send DMs every day. Just not automatic ones that are canned responses. I used to, but I learned better.

      I don’t think you’re missing the point of Twitter at all. Use it in the way you see fit, and you’re doing well!

  • http://twitter.com/MsDevlin Emma L. Devlin

    Back in September of 2009 I was inspired to write a response post to auto DMers just so I could return their favour of a link. I’d include it here but that seems kind of spammy. :)

    Thanks for the humourous post!

  • http://twitter.com/Jonk87 Stephen Johnson

    ha ha I love this post thank you for sharing.

    My favourite:

    “thanks for follow! What are you currently working on? Maybe we can move forward together.”

    ARE YOU KIDDING? REMOVE AND BLOCK

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      I thought maybe he was hitting on me

  • http://www.theworldismynetwork.com pfmonaco

    I used to be guilty myself. I rotated links to my other profiles in an auto-DM. Results were negligible, certainly I was annoying more people then I was attracting.

    The only conceivable use I can see for an auto DM is if you are operating a known twitter bot or auto post account… perhaps traffic, weather, etc. where a link to a main site may be appropriate.

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  • http://twitter.com/ahvance Amanda Vance

    This list is awesome. So much so that I had to link to it in my post about all things wrong with the “auto- era” – check it out! http://bit.ly/ezvSMq

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  • http://mitchneff.com Mitch Neff

    Because Auto DM’s serve no valuable purpose, they actually have a purpose – weeding out the chaff. I use them for some kind of weird reverse-social-engineering.

    Case in point:
    I actually use Auto-DM’s. My fave – “Thanks for the follow- check out my new e-book ‘How to Avoid A-Holes That Auto DM’, now only $4.95!” Now, if someone DM’s me back and has an issue with this, they are either:
    a) The “guru” type that saw the DM light and now rail against it – despite the fact that they still have an active Social Oomph account
    b) An idiot that doesn’t see the sarcasm
    c) Probably not someone that will really enjoy the style of my tweets

    Truth be told, the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. But to be honest, if I could remember my Social Oomph password, I would probably remove it anyway because the joke is getting old. Just sayin’

    Side note – the first person I ever blocked because of this actually DM’d me back to ask for the link to the e-book. Really.

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  • http://twitter.com/Opticon_ Opticon

    Just tweeted this in support of Anti-Auto-DM Month! Join the fight against auto-DM abuse!

    http://blog.webcopyplus.com/2011/04/27/may-2011-is-anti-auto-dm-month/

  • http://twitter.com/Opticon_ Opticon

    Just tweeted this in support of Anti-Auto-DM Month! Join the fight against auto-DM abuse!

    http://blog.webcopyplus.com/2011/04/27/may-2011-is-anti-auto-dm-month/

  • http://www.facebook.com/iputsman Ivan Putsman

     Very funny post. lol’d on the one about Moscow, good for you to use automatic translator, but it got the phrase wrong actually, but whatever :)

    • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

      I lived in Moscow in 1994 and used to speak a little Russian.  Or, if I remember correctly, Я немного говорю по русскому

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  • http://www.movingtruckrental.com/ movingtruckrental

    This makes me laugh … thank you for sharing this post. It has a lesson for us not to rely much on the use of machines.

  • http://www.khaledscorner.com خالد

    LOL “Hi, I am a happy 24 hours mom . You can meet my baby if u want (Pass!)”

  • http://lighthouseinsights.in/ Prasant Naidu

    Gosh!! if they could have spent that much time interacting with people on Twitter would have been helpful but :D
    true and funny but dm is not a sales pitch thing …no words but smiles only :D

  • Anonymous

    These are horrible.  Although I’ll gladly admit that when I first joined Twitter some many moons ago auto-dm’s that were doing some work for me using SocialOomph.  I’m glad those are turned off now to be honest.

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